Ultima Thule

In ancient times the northernmost region of the habitable world - hence, any distant, unknown or mysterious land.

Monday, February 20, 2006

Herb Meyer asks, what would Chris Matthews do?

By Aussiegirl

Herb Meyer channels Chris Matthews, Katrina Vanden Heuvel, and Nancy Pelosi in his delightful imaginary romp into an alternate political universe.

The American Thinker

For more than a week now, the press has been beating up on Vice President Dick Cheney for his handling – or, rather, for his mis-handling – of how the accidental shooting of his friend while on a hunting trip in Texas was disclosed. The theme that runs through all this criticism is that the Vice President made a terrible mistake in not arranging for news of the shooting to be disclosed immediately, rather than waiting 14 hours to put out the word.

But what if Dick Cheney hadn’t stiffed the press? Let’s conduct what scientists call a “thought experiment.” Let’s press the rewind button and go back to the very moment of the accidental shooting….

Cheney spots a quail, pulls the trigger—and to his horror Harry Whittington falls to the ground. Without a moment’s hesitation the Vice President reaches into his pocket, pulls out his cell phone, and calls NBC News White House Correspondent David Gregory.

Gregory? This is Cheney. I’m hunting in Texas and I’ve just accidentally shot my friend.


Thirty seconds ago, maybe forty. Took a while to find your number.

Is he dead or alive?

Don’t know. But I thought I better call you to get the word out fast.

While this conversation is taking place, another conversation is taking place on television:

Welcome to Hardball, I’m Chris Matthews. According to a new MSNBC poll, the Bush Administration is now the most hated and distrusted Administration in our country’s history. The question is, why. My guests today have two very different perspectives on all this. Nancy Pelosi is the House Democratic leader, and Katrina Vanden Heuvel is the highly-respected editor of the non-partisan magazine, The Nation. It’s a pleasure to have you ladies on the show today. I must say, both of you are not only brainy, but gorgeous – I mean, really hot. I wonder why it is that Democrats aren’t afraid of smart, good-looking women. I was just talking with my kid brother in Philadelphia – did I mention he’s just been nominated for Lieutenant Governor – and he was saying…..Wait a minute. We’ve got breaking news from David Gregory. David, you’re on the air.

Chris, the Vice President has just shot his friend in Texas. Right now, that’s all we know, but –

My god, David, you really are a great reporter. What a scoop. You’re amazing. What you’re saying is that Cheney’s first thought was the public-relations, that all he really cares about is getting out first with the news so that he can control the spin


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