Classified Ads

By BonnieBlueFlag

For Sale: One Utah Mountain with Ranch, lock, stock and barrel, priced for immediate sale. Owner wishes to relocate to Ireland as quickly as possible. Please contact R. Redford at Red@sundance.com.

For Sale: Immediate Occupancy Available. Very unique estate and mansion, completely handicap accessible. Indoor swimming pool and therapeutic hot tub with lift for easy handicapped entry. 30 bedrooms, 15 with two way mirrors, numerous wheelchair ramps, multiple movie theaters with complete XXXXX rated film library. Please e-mail Larry F. at sexy@pervert.com. Owner wishes to leave the country as quickly as possible, will sacrifice.

For Sale: Overstock of T-shirts with "Vote Or Die!" logo. Assorted sizes and colors, complete inventory (approximately 10,700) available for $19.99 plus S&H, or best offer. Contact P. Diddy at Puffy@gangster.com

For Sale: One airplane "as is." Price has been discounted to reflect the gin and raisin stains on the carpeting, and the peanut butter and jelly stains on the upholstery. Low mileage, used for less than one year, exterior has been painted with a patriotic theme, perfect for someone named Kerry Edwards. Please get in touch with Mrs. Heinz's personal attorney in the Cayman Islands by e-mail at www.gotketchup.com.