Ultima Thule

In ancient times the northernmost region of the habitable world - hence, any distant, unknown or mysterious land.

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Fox News Alert!!! -- Fox News Logo is Missing -- Replaced by Milk Carton!!!!

By Aussiegirl

It's official - the Fox News Network has now officially morphed into the all-missing-persons-all-the-time network.

I therefore suggest that they replace their corporate logo with an image of a milk carton, which can daily feature the Missing Person du Jour. "Have you seen this News Channel?"

I've had it on all morning for the most part, and so far I've seen -- Natalee Holloway's parents, friends, relatives, along with assorted experts musing and speculating on her fate. I sincerely hope this girl is found, or that her parents find what happened to her, but the sad part is, this sort of thing happens on a daily basis all over the country and the world. How long are they going to stay there? There are people who have been missing under similar circumstances for years. This is simply cheap and easy filler, and not worthy of an outlet which claims to report news -- fair and balanced.

Today I've also watched a water main break (!!!) in Fort Worth, and a little bit about the boy who was rescued in Utah. I'm still waiting for the LA car chase of the day. And there's always the possibility of late-breaking fires here and there, or perhaps, even a traffic accident which is tying up traffic on some freeway or other.

Of course, we can always resort to the endless replay of Paris Hilton's "scandalous" carwash commercial -- as the male anchors leer and drool -- and tsk, tsk away. Is this any way to run a news channel?

Other than that, very little in the way of what could even remotely be described as news.

Obviously, the end of the Michael Jackson trial and the Scott Peterson trial has left Fox News in the lurch.

I actually am finding myself tuning more frequently to CNN. Don't fall over, I'm a conservative, I know what I'm doing -- because at least at CNN I might actually happen upon something resembling news.

And will Bridgette Quinn PLEASE get a haircut!! Honestly, every morning it's all I can to do restrain the urge to wrestle her to the floor and attack her hair with scissors. Anything's better than that Lassie hairdo.

And while I'm at it, can Shepherd Smith drop the cocky 'tude and stop with the head-banging music? Where does he think he is -- GITMO?

That's it -- that's all we ask -- a soupcon of news -- thrown in with the Enquirer-style tabloid headlines. It's not too much to ask, and if it is -- then -- bye-bye to Fox News.


At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't make fun of L.A. car chases! What else is so mesmerizing to watch on TV? It takes overhead helicopters to bring this stuff to you. And, the last one I watched. When the Sheriffs finally got to bump the car at an angle, so the idiot driver had to stop. And, come out. SHE WAS NAKED! And, oddly enough, from the air, the helicopter pilot didn't see it "all" ... so we, the lucky home viewers, did.

Women with hips should not disrobe, thinking the sheriffs wouldn't touch them. Not that it wasn't done with guns drawn. And, such dainty handling of the arms to put the cuffs on. I'm tellin ya. (Did anyone get to put a towel on the backseat, first?)

You're watching TV to ask better questions? Why fore? Isn't the Internet able to sort out the real politics, that happens UNDER the radar of most of the famous people in the world?

Ah. The power to know that the storms gather while the "poofs" fool around with their hair.

Even better. You don't need monumental contracts with mega-bucks, to get people to sit at keyboards and COMPUTE.

Fox has a logo? Is it Daniel Boone' hat? Or is that saved for a nutwork of squirrels? (CAROL HERE.)

At 3:38 PM, Blogger BonnieBlueFlag said...

Gee, I missed the water main break, but I turned on Laura Ingraham early, and have had the radio on ever since. However, all day yesterday, I did watch the 25 foot tall popsicle melt all over the street in New York.

Neil Cavuto will have the Paris Hilton commercials later today as part of his business news reports. Neil likes to alternate between Paris and the Victoria Secret models.

Breaking news: In the Natalee case, the main suspect's father has been arrested. Greta told pretty boy, Shepard Smith, that CNN is following her all over Aruba, because she is getting the good interviews.

Like you I have to occasionally change channels to get the news lately, but I don't stay gone long, because I cannot handle the obvious slant on the news for very long. When I start throwing things at the TV, it's time to go back home to Fox

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Billy D said...

Dang, it's all I can do to watch the local stuff at 6:00, the rest is either too boring, or just too depressing. I will wait, in anticipation, Aussiegirl, for your inevitable commentary on the latest national sodomizing by the SCOTUS.

At 4:41 PM, Blogger Billy D said...

*Never mind. I guess I have to learn to scroll down the page first, huh?


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