Ultima Thule

In ancient times the northernmost region of the habitable world - hence, any distant, unknown or mysterious land.

Monday, November 15, 2004

You might be a Republican if...

In honor of the results of our recent presidential election, after which 47% of Americans decided that the other 53% were right wing religious rednecks, here are a few of Jeff Foxworthy's definitions of a Redneck.� If you answer yes to any of these, you might be a Republican.

1. You have more than one living relative who is named after a Southern Civil War general.

2. You think the stock market has a fence around it.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You own a homemade fur coat.

5. The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

6. You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

7. You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.

8. Your baby's first words were, "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

9. The diploma hanging in your den contains the words, "Trucking Institute."

10. You fainted when you met Slim Whitman.

11. You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

12. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

13. You are still holding on to Confederate money, because you think the South will rise again.

14. You have an Elvis Jell-O mold.

15. You think that John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray are the three primary colors.

16. You celebrate Groundhog Day, because you believe in it.

17. You've been on TV more than 5 times describing the sound of a tornado.

18. Your pocketknife has ever been referred to as Exhibit A.

19. Your sophisticated show-biz cousin is a rodeo clown.

20. You think people that send out graduation announcements are show-offs.

1 Comments:

At 7:58 PM, Blogger Pindar said...

Very funny Jeff Foxworthies. I expecially like no. 18 and the legal fate of your pocket knife. Good therapy after the tensions of the elections.

 

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